Animal Jokes

We all have One question common that are animal funny? Absolutely they have. They always make you laugh as much they in the mood to play. Many people have fear to play with the animal but once you trust them they make you feel Happy all the time.

So here we present more over 150 Animal Jokes which that make you laugh. You are a laugh like Hyena after you read all Funny Animal jokes.

What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?
“Should we walk home or take a dog?!”

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

What do you call a dog magician?
A Labracadabrador!

Where do mice park their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.

There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats!

How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
With flood lighting.

What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
The police had to comb the area.

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
“Pleased to eat you.”

What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!

How do spiders communicate?
Through the World Wide Web.

Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A: A headbanger.

Why are dogs like phones?
A: Because they have collar IDs.

What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style?
A: Hip-Hop!

Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don’t work.

How did the police scare the bugs away?
A: They called for the S.W.A.T. team.

What is ‘out of bounds’?
A: An exhausted kangaroo!

Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep?
Shear madness.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same?

Where did the cat go when it lost its tail?
To the retail store!

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.

What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?
Big ones!

What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night!

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk!

What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite!

Why is a bee’s hair always sticky?
Because it uses a honey comb!

Why are fish so good at watching their weight?
Because they have lots of scales.

What animal has more lives than a cat?
Frogs, they croak every night!

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?
Mice krispies

Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A dino-sewer.

What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A try and try and try-ceratops!

What pine has the longest needles?
A porcupine.

What’s the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.

Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
Because his feet stink!

Why don’t bears wear shoes?
What’s the use? They’d still have bear feet!

What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin sea.

How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Plug its nose.

What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
Glass flippers.

What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?
A woolen jumper!

Are you a sheep cause your body is unbaaaaalievable

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Did Noah include termites on the ark?

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

What is black and white and red all over?
A skunk with a rash.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
It gave a little wine.

What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon.

What do you call an exploding monkey?
A baboom.

What do you call a cow in a tornado?
A milkshake.

Which day do fish hate?

What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
Its shadow.

How does a dog stop a video?
He presses the paws button.

What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A lawn moo-er.

Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand…

What did the elephant say to the naked man? “How do you breathe through that tiny thing?”

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, “Damn, I forgot to feed the dog.”

I named my dog 6 miles so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day.

My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.

Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

It’s funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.

What’s the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A watch dog.

What do you call a thieving alligator?
A crookodile

Where did the sheep go on vacation?
The baaaahamas

What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth!

How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.

Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breathe through something so small?”

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes…

I hate zebras. It’s not because they’re black and it’s not because they’re white; It’s because they’re African.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”

A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where is the bar tender?”

Dr.’s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it’s tweetable.

A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.

Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck? Now he’s hooked on the quack.

Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

They say St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. I wonder if he could do that for Congress.

Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

For sale: Dead Canary.
Not going cheep.

What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They’re under a buck.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator

What do you call a cow who plays an instrument?
A moosician.

Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work

Babe, your cuter than a puppy at an animal shelter, Cuz i want to take you home!

Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing Taxi.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I don’t understand why people get attacked by sharks. Can they not hear the music?

Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning. She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder.

What do you call farm animals that have a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.

What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabites.

Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you’ll never get caught.

Two silk worms got in a fight.
It ended in a tie.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did they would always be falling asleep.

Where do rabbits eat breakfast?

What kind of bees eat brains?

Where do cows go on holiday?
Moo Zealand.

The early bird might get the worm…
But the second mouse gets the cheese.

What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?
“Should we walk home or take a dog?”

What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?
Big ones.

I sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I shit on?”

I saw my dad chopping up onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog.

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels!

What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A milkshake.

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: “Beef Jerky!”

When I get a dog I’m going to name him five miles so I can say I walk five miles every day.

My mother used to make me walk the plank when I was younger, we couldn’t afford a dog.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite.

What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.

What is a dog’s favorite city?
New Yorkie.

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
They kept dropping their trunks.

What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower.

What is a cat’s favorite song?
Three Blind Mice.

Which kinds of snakes are found on cars?
Windshield vipers.

What do ducks watch on TV?

What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A rocker spaniel.

What is a cat’s favourite color?

I was going to tell you a cow joke…
but it’s pasture bed time.

What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

What are caterpillars afraid of?

What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?

What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.

Why did the bee go to the doctor?
Because he had hives.

Where did the sheep go on vacation?
The Baaaa-hamas.

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