Dark Humor Jokes

If you find the black humor joke than you are the right place and one thing is that you are the smart person than others, it’s scientifically proven in 2017 report who read the dark humor jokes they actually have high levels of IQ. And they are not aggressive or negative. Let’s talk about the jokes, Black humor jokes can help people to find the deep and crevices of people mind. You can find the best collection of the Dark humor jokes here which you can enjoy when you read.

Some of our collection mentioned below:

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.

How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the Jaw.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They dont know where home is.

What’s the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who’s driving?
The cop.

My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex
Just this morning she asked me “Is that the best you can do?”

What’s got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Why was six afraid of seven?
seven was black.

What’s worse than the Holocaust?
6 million Jews.

How do you make a baby float?
Two scoops baby, one scoop ice-cream.

What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn’t?
Ended a race.

A mexican with a boner runs into a wall, what does he break?
His lawnmower.

A Jew with a boner runs into a wall, what does he break?
His nose.

A thai woman runs into a wall, what does he break?
Her boner.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

What’s the difference between a trunk full of bowling balls and a trunk full of dead babies?
You can’t unload bowling balls with pitchfork.

How do you get a baby into a small box?
With a Blender.
How do you get a baby out of a small box?
With Doritos

Whats the best thing ever?
Throwing a dead baby off a roof.
Whats better than that?
Catching it with a pitchfork.

Whats the grossest thing ever?
A bag full of dead babies.
Whats grosser than that?
One at the bottom is still wriggling.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.

Girls are like blackjack…
I’m always going for 21 but I always end up hitting on 14

Why do white people own so many pets?
Because they’re not allowed to own people anymore.

Pedofiles are fucking immature assholes.

What does a boy with no hands get for christmas?
Gloves! JK he still hasn’t opened his present.

You’d think the Catholic Church would be in favour of condoms…
less DNA evidence.

I can’t see the problem with calling an Australian and Aussie, a Pakistani a Paki a scotsman a scot.
or a Frenchman a cunt.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.

Why won’t Monica Lewinsky vote for Hilary Clinton?
The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

What do you call a child with down syndrome?

What did hitler get for his 6th birthday?
G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake oven.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.

Why can’t mexicans win the Olympics?
Anyone that can run jump or swim has already crossed the border.

What do you call a white man marrying the woman of his dreams?

Why are black men good at basketball?
The whole purpose is to run shoot and steal.

What’s the best part about dead baby Jokes?
They never get old.

People are like trees…
They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

My boss farted in front of a Jewish client.
“A little gas never killed anybody.”

What is it called when an Illegal Immigrant fights a Pedofile?
Alien vs Predator.

What is Minecraft?
Hitler’s second lesser known book about his love of knitting.

What’s the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?
Dont ask me I just fly the drone.

Whats the best part of an ISIS joke?
The Execution.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome swimming in the pool?

What do you call 1000 aboriginals swimming in a dam?
Coco pops

What do you call 1000 dirty white men swimming in a dam?
Coco pops after 20 minutes.

Did you hear the score in the Egypt v Ethiopia football game?
Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid you will hate it as an adult.

Say what what you will about pedofiles but hey they do drive slower through school zones.

The last three are what i think to be the worst sentences ever said.

So I was raping this girl the other night and she gave me aids! how does a 9 year old girl get aids?
I guess my sister has been hanging around the wrong crowd.

I was eating this girl out the other night and I tasted horse semen so I said to her “oh that’s how you died grandma.”

So I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier.The look on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

“Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.” Jimmy Carr

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
There was a face off in the corner

My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say “Knock knock”, we’d say “Who’s there?”
Then she’d say “I can’t remember”… and start to cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don’t live in a swing state.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared”
Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?”
“Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s silence, and then a gunshot.
The guy gets back on the phone and says, “OK, now what?”

I visited my friend at his new house.
He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!”
“Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die.
“Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral?

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.

I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo.
Then it would cut itself.

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

“Knock Knock!” “Who’s there?”
“It’s Dave!

Dave who?”
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

If at first you don’t succeed…
Then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.

What is black and sticks to a tree?
A peeping tom after a forest fire.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”

What gift did the kid with no hands get for his birthday?
No idea. He hasn’t figured out how to open it yet.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.

I hate double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.”

The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

“I work with animals,” the guy says to his date.
“That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?

I’m a butcher,” he says.

Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
There was a face off in the corner.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus.
And I lost my job as a bus driver!

Where does a girl with one leg work?

Why are orphans unable to play baseball?
They’ve never known what home is.

It’s important to have a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.

When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”“What?” The patient panicked. “But I’m not dead yet!”
“And we’re not there yet,” the doctor said.

“Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” the patient asked.
“To the morgue,” the doctor replied.

What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph?
It’s butt.

What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.

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