The Best Yo mama Jokes


Yo mama is so old that she took her drivers test on a dinosaur. Yo mama is so old that she DJ’d at the Boston Tea Party. Yo mama is so old that she walked into an antique store and they kept her. Yo mama is so old that she baby-sat for Jesus. Yo mama is so old that she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro. Yo mama is so old that she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block. Yo mama is so old that she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers. Yo mama is so old that her memory is in black and white. Yo mama is so old that she’s mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible. Yo mama is so old that she planted the first tree at Central Park. Yo mama is so old that she sat next to Jesus in third grade.

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight, not your phone number.

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, “We are family, even though you’re fatter than me.

Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

Yo momma’s so fat and old when God said, “Let there be light,” he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Yo momma’s so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Yo momma is so fat when she sat on WalMart, she lowered the prices.

Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button.

Yo momma is so fat that Dora can’t even explore her!

Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.

Yo momma is so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Yo momma’s so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Yo momma so stupid she stuck a battery up her ass and said, I GOT THE POWER!

Yo momma’s so dumb when y’all were driving to Disneyland, she saw a sign that said “Disneyland left,” so she went home.

Yo momma is so hairy, when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said, “IT’S CHEWBACCA!”

Yo momma is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Yo mamma is so fat she doesn’t need the internet because she’s already worldwide.

Yo momma is so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl.

Yo Momma’s so fat when I told her to touch her toes she said, “What are those”?

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!

Yo momma’s so fat she needs to cheat codes for Wii Fit.

Yo momma is so fat when she went to KFC the cashier asked, “What size bucket?” and yo momma said, “The one on the roof.”

Yo momma is so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mamma is so ugly when she took a bath the water jumped out.

Yo momma is so fat that when she saw a yellow school bus go by full of white kids she ran after it yelling, “TWINKIE!”

Yo momma’s so fat, that when she went to the zoo, the hippos got jealous.

Your momma’s so ugly, when she goes into a strip club, they pay her to keep her clothes on.

Yo mama so ugly when she went into a haunted house she came out with a job application.

Yo mamma is so fat she walked past the TV and I missed 3 episodes.

Yo momma is so ugly even Hello Kitty said, “Goodbye” to her

Yo momma so fat when she steps out in a yellow raincoat, the people yell, “TAXI!”

Yo momma is so stupid when your dad sad it was chilly outside, she ran out the door with a spoon!

Yo mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin’ Donuts was a basketball team.

Yo mamma is so ugly, she scared the shit out of the toilet.

Yo momma is so poor I saw her kicking a trash can so I asked, “What are you doing?” and she said, “I’m .”

Yo momma is so fat she sat on the rainbow and Skittles came out.

Yo momma’s so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.

Yo momma is so stupid that when thieves broke in and stole the tv, she ran outside and yelled to them, “Hey, you forgot the remote!”

Yo mama so fat I tried driving around her and I ran out of gas.

Yo momma’s so fat, she has more rolls than a bakery.

Yo momma is so ugly Fix-It Felix said, “I can’t fix it.”

Yo momma is so fat when she stepped on the scale it read, “Get the hell off me!”

Yo momma is so old, I slapped her in the back and her boobs fell off.

Yo momma is so ugly she turned Medusa into stone.

Yo momma is so stupid that she sat on the TV to watch the couch.

Yo momma’s so fat, she wore a black bathing suit to the pool and everyone yelled “oil spill!”

Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on the back of the bus it did a wheelie.

Yo momma’s so fat, her baby pictures were taken by satellite.

Yo momma’s so fat, the only way to get her out of a telephone booth is to grease her thighs and throw a Twinkie in the street.

Yo Momma’s teeth are so yellow, that when she smiles, traffic slows down!

Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma’s so fat, she tripped over Wal-Mart, stumbled over K-Mart, and landed on Target.

Yo momma’s so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

Yo mama’s so fat when I pictured her in my head she broke my neck.

Yo momma’s so fat she can’t even jump to a conclusion.

Yo momma is so poor that when I asked her what’s for dinner tonight she lit her pocket on fire and said, “hot pocket.”

Yo momma is so ashy, every time she rubs her arms it snows.

Your momma is so stupid she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Yo mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

Yo mama’s so stupid she put the paper on the television and called it paper view.

Yo momma’s so ugly, her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Yo momma so ugly, she had to get the baby drunk so that she could breastfeed it.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale it said, “One person at a time please.”

Yo mamma so stupid she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

Yo mama so dumb she tried to make an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

Yo momma’s so smelly, that when she spread her legs, I got seasick.

Yo momma is so fat when she sat on an iPad she made a plasma TV.

Yo momma is so ugly her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.

Yo momma is so fat she went to church with heels on and when she came back home they were flats.

Yo momma is so black, she got marked absent at night school.

Yo momma’s so fat, when she farted, she launched herself into orbit.

Yo mama’s so poor that ducks throw bread at her.

Yo mamma so stupid her password needed 8 characters, so she typed “Snow White and the 7 dwarfs.”

Yo momma’s so fat, her belt size is “Equator.”

Yo mama so ugly she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

Yo momma so stupid she stuck a phone up her butt and thought she was making a booty call!

Your momma is so hairy when she opens her legs it says “Welcome to Busch Gardens.”

Yo momma is so short, you can see her feet on her driver’s license.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.

Yo mamma so fat when she died she broke the stairway to heaven.

Yo momma so dumb when I said, “Drinks on the house,” she got a ladder.

Yo mamma so stupid she put two M&M’s in her ear and said she was listening to Eminem.

Yo momma is so fat that the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale.

Yo mama is so fat on Halloween she threw on a white sheet and went as Antarctica.

Yo mamma is so fat, the only good grade she got in school was an “A” at lunch.

Yo mama is so stupid when the judge said, Order! Order!” she said, “Fries and coke please.”

Yo momma so fat when she registered for MySpace there was no space left.

Your momma so ugly she has to sneak up on the mirror.

Yo momma is so poor she went running after the garbage truck with a grocery list.

Yo momma’s so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Yo momma’s so fat, her measurements are 36-24-26, and that’s just her left arm.

Yo mama so fat when stepped on a scale she said, “How does it know my credit card number?”

Yo momma is so dumb that when she was locked in a grocery store she starved!

Yo mamma is so stupid, she stopped her car at a stop sign and she’s still waiting for it to turn green.

Yo momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, “Go back to work!”

Yo momma is so ugly that when the Kool-Aid man broke through her wall he said, “Oh noooo!”

Yo momma so stupid she thought Bruno Mars was a planet.

Your mom is so stupid I told her spring was around the corner and she went looking for it.

Yo mama so dark when I clicked on her profile pic, I thought my phone died.

Yo mama is so fat when she took her dress to the dry cleaners they said, “Sorry, we don’t do curtains.”

Yo momma’s breath smelled so bad when she walked by a clock it said, “Tic Tac.”

Yo mama’s so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says, “Please step out of the car.”

Yo momma’s so ugly she makes the blind go crippled!

Yo momma’s so fat, when she uses the keyboard she presses every key at once!

Yo momma’s so stupid, she steals samples from stores!

Yo momma is so ugly her momma had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to lick her.

Yo momma so fat she fell out of the family tree.

Yo mamma’s so ugly when her house was being robbed, the mugger took off his mask and made her wear it.

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gas money.

Yo momma’s so fat, when she was floating in the ocean, Spain claimed her for the new world.

Yo momma so stupid, she tried to talk into an envelope to send a voicemail.

Yo mama so fat she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

Yo momma’s so fat, when I swerved to avoid her in the street I ran outta gas.

Your mamma’s so fat people jog around her for exercise.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, yo’ daddy takes her to work with him so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo momma’s so fat, the Hogwarts Sorting Hat put her in all 4 houses!

Yo mama so fat the bears have to hide their food from her when she goes camping.

Yo mama’s teeth so yellow, I can’t believe its not butter.

Yo mama jokes are old and overused just like yo mama!

Yo mama is so fat that she walked into the Gap and filled it.

Yo mama is so fat that she comes at you from all directions.

Yo mama is so fat that her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Yo mama is so fat that she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen.

Yo mama is so fat that when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy’s word for it.

Yo mama is so fat that when she sings, it’s over for everybody.

Yo mama is so fat that when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton to display her picture.

Yo mama is so fat that when she was growing up she didn’t play with dolls, she played with midgets.

Yo mama is so fat that she uses two buses for roller-blades.

Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.

Yo mama is so fat that she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

Yo mama is so fat that she doesn’t eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.

Yo mama is so fat that when she tripped on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

Yo mama is so fat that God couldn’t light the Earth until she moved!

Yo mama is so fat that even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama is so fat that she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.

Yo mama is so fat that she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of June.

Yo mama is so fat that she could fall down and wouldn’t even know it.

Yo mama is so fat that the sign inside one restaurant says, “Maximum occupancy: 300, or Yo momma.”

Yo mama is so fat that she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Yo mama is so fat that when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.

Yo mama is so fat that she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

Yo mama is so fat that she could sell shade.

Yo mama is so fat that I ran around her twice and got lost.

Yo mama is so fat that the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.

Yo mama is so fat that when she’s standing on the corner police drive by and yell, “Hey, break it up.”

Yo mama is so fat that her blood type is Ragu.

Yo mama is so fat that when she runs the fifty-yard dash she needs an overnight bag.

Yo mama is so fat that she fell out of both sides of her bed.

Yo mama is so fat that the stripes on her pajamas never end.

Yo mama is so fat she uses Mexico as her tanning bed.

Yo mama is so fat when she walks the earth rotation changes direction

Yo mama is so fat her dreams are longer than the movies.

Yo mama is so ugly that we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation.

Yo mama is so ugly that her shadow ran away from her.

Yo mama is so ugly that she could scare the flies off a shit wagon.

Yo mama is so ugly that her birth certificate contained an apology letter from the condom factory.

Yo mama is so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mama is so ugly that she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out!

Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks down the street in September, people say “Wow, is it Halloween already?”

Yo mama is so ugly that her mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.

Yo mama is so ugly that they didn’t give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.

Yo mama is so ugly that even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

Yo mama is so ugly that she made an onion cry!

Yo mama is so ugly that when I last saw a mouth like hers, it had a hook in it.

Yo mama is so ugly that she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!

Yo mama is so ugly that they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she goes to the therapist, he makes her lie on the couch face down.

Yo mama is so ugly that she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.

Yo mama is so ugly that even Bill Clinton wouldn’t sleep with her.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she was born, the doctor slapped her AND her parents!

Yo mama is so ugly that she didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit by the whole damn tree.

Yo mama is so ugly that she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.

Yo mama is so ugly that she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.

Yo mama is so ugly that her pillow cries at night.

Yo mama is so ugly that people at the circus pay money not to see her.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror it says “viewer discretion is advised.”

Yo mama is so ugly that she can look up a camel’s butt and scare the hump off of it.

Yo mama is so ugly that I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.

Yo mama is so ugly that if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away.

Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.

Yo mama is so ugly she put the Boogieman out of business.

Yo mama is so ugly she made Obama lose hope

Yo mama is so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama is so old that I told her to act her own age, and she died.

Yo mama is so old that her birth certificate is written in Roman numerals.

Yo mama is so old that she has Adam & Eve’s autographs.

Yo mama is so old that she co-wrote the Ten Commandments.

Yo mama is so old that she has an autographed bible.

Yo mama is so old that the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

Yo mama is so old that when she farts, dust comes out.

Yo mama is so old that she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

Yo mama is so old that she drove a chariot to high school.




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  1. supporter July 17, 2019

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